Chapter Text
It was mid-morning in the Raiders HQ as Gaige watched Krieg and Zer0 arguing for the eighth time since the dual they had a few days before. "My honor is slighted / your combat was unjustly conducted / I demand a rematch!" Zer0 stated.
The Psycho was sitting at a table in the HQ's small mess hall with a steel mug of crappy coffee in one hand and to everyone's surprise an old home decor magazine in his other hand. "Weep blood of rage skinny man! My meat smashed your meat stick to snotty kidney stones!" Krieg stated before somehow taking a sip of his drink through his mask.
Gaige was watching the interaction from across the mess hall with a mostly finished breakfast in front of her. She looked to Lieutenant Davis who was sitting next to her as they ate. "So exactly what happened the other day with their duel to get Zer0 so mad?" Gaige asked.
"Krieg threw a fresh fish at Zero which distracted him long enough for Krieg to tackle and pin him into submission."
"He threw a fish? Why did he have a fish?" Gaige asked.
"Better question, where did he get a fish?" Davis retorted leaving Gaige with even more questions. . . Which is why she chose to ignore the question.
"So why is Zero calling him on it?" Gaige asked.
"Zero claims the fish should be considered special equipment. Myself, and several others who were watching however believe that a fish can't be considered special equipment unless it can inflict direct physical harm greater than a bruise or can uniquely affect a fight like your bot or your siren friend's powers. And seeing as it was not poisonous, could cut through metal, explode, or rewrite the laws of physics we had to allow it."
"Huh… Why do you have such particular rules for this anyway?"
"It's more for the people betting than the fighters. Nothing is regulated on Pandora except for bets and duels. Mainly since they go hand in hand."
Just then Kai walks in stopping to note Zer0 and Krieg's argument before walking toward Gaige. "Morning Gaige, morning Davis. . . What's going on with them?" He asked pointing to the other Vault Hunters.
"They're arguing over who should get the room with its own bathroom and shower. Krieg used a fish as a weapon and Zer0 is contesting his victory." Gaige reiterated.
"Ahh, the oldspecial equipment clause. A classic issue of betting, we had a similar rule on Polaris that would cause trouble." Kai nodded.
"So what are you doing here, do we have another job?
"Nah, I make it a habit to try and avoid getting missions on Tuesdays. Not that it seems to help. You don't have any missions, right?"
"Nope, and as you can see, Krieg and Z are the only other ones here, and they're currently occupied. Maya was planning on using the day to meditate and practice, Salvador said something about. . . I think he called it a lucha- ugh, domay? Luchdoris match? I don't know. And Ax. . . Actually, I don't know where he is."
-Elsewhere in the city-
Axton's mind slowly came to, as the pain of what he could easily identify as a hangover hammered his head. Slowly his eyes opened up and after adjusting to the light he noticed something was immediately off. The walls of the room were covered with hunting trophies and stuffed animal heads. The floor had what looked like a six-legged bear rug on it, and there was a writing desk filled with papers and several stacks of what appeared to be leather-bound books of various animals.
"Where the hell-" Axton muttered.
"Oh dear."
Axton turned to find he was not alone in bed as a familiar pepper gray-haired man put on a pair of cracked glasses. "Axton?"
"Hammerlock?" Both men stared at one another for several seconds until Axton shrugged. "Not my worst drunken hookup I've ever had." Axton said before giving Hammerlock's shirtless body a once over. "You workout?"
"Indeed I do." Hammer said with a smug smile as he flexed his remaining arm.
"Nice."
-Back with the teens-
"So what are we going to do then?" Gaige asked.
Kai just shrugged. "I don't know. Want to explore the city? So far you've only seen Moxxi's, the HQ, Marcus's shop, and my place."
Gaige mulled over the idea for several seconds until she shrugged. "Why not?" Gaige said as she got up.
"Cool. First things first, do you have your gun?" Kai asked.
"We're in Sanctuary, who would attack us here?"
"Pandora rule number one, never go outside without at least a gun." Kai stated.
"Even in this city?"
"Even in this city." Kai nodded matter-of-factly. "Now hurry up, we're burning daylight."
"But don't we still have twenty hours of daylight on this cycle?" Gaige asked with confusion written on her face.
"Eighteen technically but who's counting." Kai said as they left, not noticing the fight breaking out between Zer0 and Krieg.
Twenty minutes later the two were walking through the streets of Sanctuary with no direction in particular. Just how big is the city?"
"There are just over a thousand people in the main city which is set into three main rings. Then several extensions creep into the mountain at the back of the city or hug off the inner wall. In fact, I can show you. Come on."
They moved to the outer ring and then up to one of the side streets that led up to the highest point. "Wow." Gaige said as they overlooked Sanctuary and the surrounding area.
"Yeah, it looks smaller when you first come into the city."
"I'll say… But what exactly is this place supposed to be?" Gaige asked, turning to the structure behind them. Before them were a pair of what Gaige could only call bunkers, which looked oddly newer than most of the buildings in the city. There were also a few makeshift comm towers set up nearby, an old weather radar dome, and oddly a small mounted crane. The oddest thing was that the bunkers, several barriers, and other structures were set up around a set of a dozen metal hatches on a concrete slab in the middle.
"Oh, this? This is the Raider's very own VLS platform."
"V L. . . what?" Gaige asked in confusion.
Kai was silent for a few seconds before letting out a sigh. "Right, you were a civilian till a few weeks ago. VSL is short for vertical launch system. Those boxes on the ground hold missiles that launch straight up and then fly to a designated target. Roland and the raiders salvaged them from a Crimson Lance heavy landing frigate that was shot down by bandits during Atlas's second incursion.
Gaige stared at her fellow teen. "Wait, wait, wait! Are you saying the Raiders have a tactical missile launcher?" Before Kai could answer an alarm broke the silence.
Gaige looked around in confusion as the alarm echoed. "What is- WOAH!" Gaige yelled as Kai pulled her behind a wall just as one of the silo doors started to open. A few seconds later a missile suddenly screamed out of the launcher and flew off into the distance. Gaige popped her head out from behind the wall as Kai just walked out. "WHAT THE f*ck!?"
"Huh, that's odd." Kai muttered as he pulled out his ECHO. "Hey captain, it's Kai. I'm over near the VLS, what's with the sudden launch?" Kai asked the Raider the other end answered back.
"Just an emergency request from team four. They ran into a bandit war wagon, and you know those are-"
"Priority targets. I get it. Alright, thanks, Miller."
"That's Captain Miller, kid. No respect these days." Gaige heard the man mutter before the line was cut.
"Okay, I have so many questions." Gaige said. "First, if we have a missile launcher, why haven't you guys just blasted Hyperion space station out of the sky? Second what the f*ck is a war wagon?"
"Simple, the missile we have doesn't have the range to hit Helios, nor the power to damage it enough if they even managed to get through their defenses. It also doesn't help that we have a limited supply of missiles, so we are very limited as to when we can call a strike in. As for the War wagon, it's a bandit creation that essentially takes any heavy truck or vehicle and turns it into a rolling fortress. Remember that tanker truck I dropped a Badass Bullymong on yesterday?"
"Yeah?"
"That was one of the smaller war wagon modified to carry fuel, which essentially made it a bomb on wheels. Usually thought we just need about half a dozen rocket launchers to take one out. However, we sometimes need something heavier to take them out." Kai said, pointing to the missile's smoke trail.
Gaige stared at the smoke trail. "Have you ever called in a strike?"
"Nope, but Ireallywant to call one in." Kai said with an evil grin.
"HALT INTRUDER!" The teens turned to see a Raider in blue armor holding a Dahl rifle that looked like someone had written the word Freckles on the side in crayon. "Who are you and what are you doing here?"
"Oh, hey Caboose. Good to see you." He looks to the gun. "Hey Freckles, you doing okay?" Kai asked nonchalantly.
"I'm doing fine, thank you Vault Hunter Kai." Said a digital voice that came from the rifle.
"The f*ck? The gun can talk!?" Gaige asks in shock.
"Oh, Kai! Why didn't you say it was you. . ." Caboose stares at him for several seconds before turning to Gaige with the rifle raised. "Halt intruder!" Caboose yelled as Gaige backed up with her hands raised in panic.
"Relax Caboose, this is Gaige, she's one of the new Vault Hunters and my best friend."
"Oh, well if she's your best friend then she's fine." Caboose said as he lowered his rifle. "Yeah, Church is my best friend. He's the best."
"Where is Church anyways?" Kai asked.
"Oh, he said that he was going to get us some ice cream." He paused for several seconds. "That was about three hours ago."
"Right, when's your watch over?"
"About an hour. "
"Uh-huh. . ." Kai pulled his ECHO out and hit a contact.
After a few seconds, someone picked up. "Miller here."
"Hey, cap. I'm talking with Caboose here at the VLS. Is Church supposed to be here with him?"
"Yes he…" Miller paused for a moment before letting out a sigh. "Right… Roland just sent Sarge on a job and ordered him to take two of the blues with him so that he'd learn to work with them. He took Church and Tucker just a bit ago."
"Church left me?" Caboose asked in a way that made Gaige immediately compare him to a kicked puppy.
Immediately Kai jumped on the question. "Yyyyes, but it was not by choice. He was ordered to leave for a mission… I'm sure he was very sad that he had to suddenly leave." Kai said placating the Raider.
"Really?" Caboose asked.
"Of course!" Kai said cheerily.
"That said I'm sending replacements to relieve Caboose. Can you stay with him until they arrive?" Miller asked.
"Sure, we can wait." Kai glances at the mountains behind them. "Just make sure you give them extra ammo andfirepower. That launch woke the neighbors again." Kai says as he pulls out a Dahl SMG. Caboose also takes up a ready stance as Gaige hears a noise from the peak. She turned to see a plume of dirt shoot into the air as over a dozen skag-sized bugs flew out. They were green with dark brown stripes, with several glowing orange eyes and a nasty set of over-under pincers with long spindly legs.
"WHAT THE f*ck!" Gaige screamed as one bug dived straight at her. Before it reached her however Hati tackled the bug and into the ground where he proceeded to rip its wings off with his teeth.
"Gaige, don't just stand there!" Kai said as he put a burst into another bug.
"What even are these things!?" Gaige yells as she pulls out her Maliwan shock SMG she got from Marcus.
"Varkids, nasty critters with multiple evolutionary stages. If you see any that looks like a bug pod, blast it immediately, or else a bigger one will pop out in seconds!" Kai said as several smaller Varkids started crawling into view from the ledge.
Gaige gunned down two more adult Varkids before lifting her arm and deploying DT. "Get'em, boy!" Gaige yelled. DT immediately started lasering all the small Varkids.
This continued for several minutes as wave upon wave assaulted them. One of the smaller varkids managed to get through the gunfire and lunged at the teen girl. Seeing the creature, Gaige raised her hand to block it. However, to her surprise, it had enough force in its jump to knock her over and make her drop her weapon. "Fuuuuck." Gaige moaned before she looked and immediately rolled to the left as the little varkid tried to bite her while she was down.
Gaige scrambled up and kicked the little varkid away. "f*ck off you damn bug!" Gaige yelled. A screech behind her made her whip around to find an adult varkid flying at her. Gaige ducked with a yelp as the bug just barely missed her. She looked around for her gun and saw it on the ground just behind the varkid. Gritting her teeth Gaige charged at the bug, her robot arm co*cked back at the ready. Just before she reaches the adult varkid she throws the punch, however, the punch misses as the varkid dodges left. 'How did I miss!?' Gaige thought as she stumbled slightly. Almost immediately, she feels the impact of something hitting her shields. Gaige realizes the creature was firing globs of acid at her which were only blocked by her shield. Gaige looks back only to immediately duck as another glob of acid flies by. Angered at the attack the teen charged the varkid again only to once again barely miss her thrown punch.
Kai, who had been shooting down multiple varkids, looked over when he noticed a lack of gunfire from Gaige's side. He glanced over to see Gaige… Angrily trying to fist fight a flying varkid. It took a second for him to process what he was witnessing before Kai let out a sigh. He pulled out a rare Dahl pistol and fired three quick shots right into the glowing spot on the varkid's abdomen, blowing it clean off.
Gaige stopped and looked between the varkid and Kai. "I had it!" She yelled.
"No, you didn't." Kai said as he turned and fired two quick bursts at another varkid flying towards him, blasting a wing off and making the bug crash head-first into the rocky ground with a loud wet splat. "Seriously, why would you try and fist fight a flying bug when you have guns? Multiple guns. That you can instantly call upon." Kai said.
"I got caught up in the moment." Gaige retorted with a blush of embarrassment.
Obviously." Kai said as he fired on several more Varkids skittering towards them.
"Hey Kai, this one is friendly. Ow! Aww, he is nibbling my head." Caboose said as an adult varkid was trying to bite through the man's helmet.
". . . Look, I gotta help Caboose. Just use your sidearm and kill off any bugs that come near. And can you get rid of that gestation pod behind you?" Kai said as he activated a holoblade and ran to Caboose.
"Pod? What pod?" Gaige asked only to look behind her and see a strange pulsating organic ball on a stem several meters from her. "The f*ck is-" she was interrupted by an explosion of biomass as a new adult varkid erupted from the pod and immediately charged. "OH f*ck!" Gaige screamed as she pulled her Rogue Smuggler and started firing.
The fight continued for several minutes as the waves began to die down. That was until a loud screech was heard. The three fighters all looked up to see a large green varkid that was about the size of a small car. It had several extra spikes along its body, but the biggest change was an extra set of pincers on its mouth that looked as sharp as blades. "Badass? Gaige asked.
"Badass." Kai answered as two more badass Varkids crawled out from behind the first.
"Those are some really big bugs. Think they want to be friends?" Caboose asked in an aloof manner.
No, in fact, they're here to ruin the day of all your friends. Doesn't that make you angry Caboose?" Kai asked as he received an odd look from Gaige.
"They want to hurt all my friends!? Even Church!? That. makes. me. Angry. Like jaywalkers, or subversive political undertones in movies, or… no puppies on puppy day!" Caboose yelled as his voice seemed to distort. He rushed forward and shoulder-checked the first badass varkid, knocking it away like a road cone. Unabated by the first one, Caboose barreled into the second varkid, shoulder-checking it in the side of its head and knocking it back several meters. Without slowing down Caboose grabbed the bug's carapace armor Caboose lifted it off the ground where the creature began to panic.
"Holy robot policeman!" Gaige said stunned as she witnessed the show of strength.
The third varkid let out a screech and rushed at Caboose. The blue Raider who was still holding the other varkid spun around and slammed the varkid he held right on top of the charging varkid stopping it in its track and impaling the second varkid on its back spikes.
"My name is Michael J Caboose, and I hate Hollerwood!"
"It's Hollywood, Caboose." Kai yelled.
"That too." Caboose said as he charged at several more badass varkids that had followed the first ones.
"What the f*ck!?" Gaige asked as they watched the spectacle. "How is he so strong!?"
"Tucker and Church claim it's God's way of compensating." Kai says as he watches Caboose rip a mandible off of the first varkid. Then he chucked it like a spear into a nearby adult varkid that had been oddly only flying around and watching the fight. "I'm. . . I'm inclined to believe them."
Another roar was let loose as they both looked left to see a Badass varkid staring at them. "f*ck!" Gaige yelled as she aimed at the varkid with her Rogue Smuggler and fired. The bullets however just seemed to bounce off its hardened body as it charged. Kai pulls Gaige out of the way before it runs her over. The creature crashes into the side of one of the concrete bunkers causing it to stagger. Kai turns and pulls out a bandit triple barrel bandit shotgun with a glow green barrel indicating it was a corrosive gun.
The barrels all start to glow brighter, as Kai aims at the still-dazed creature. He fires all three barrels sending dozens of neon green pellets into the varkid's side. To Gaige's shock, each pellet that hit the creature ripped into it like butter causing it to roar in pain as the chitin armor sizzled.
What the hell!? What did you just do?"
"Right, you've never seen my Armor Buster Tech in action. It's this little bit of techno-wizardry this mad lad of an engineer came up with back on Polaris to help counter Hyperion Loaders. Basically, it uses part of your ECHO systems and the emitter in my gloves to supercharge the next shot in your gun with corrosive properties, turning it into an acidic armor-piercing round. Great for when you need that extra bit of oomph in your shot or you don't have a corrosive weapon. As you can see though." Kai said, gesturing to the varkid. "It is particularly potent with guns that already have a corrosive barrel." Kai then pulls out a rare Dahl pistol and puts two shots into the varkid's eye, causing the creature to scream.
"The only issue with it is that it takes about a minute for it to recharge after a single shot, and on top of that the actual shot has a five-second charge time." He stated as he walked to the left, putting him several meters in front of the varkid. "It's a very situational bit of tech." He said as he shot another two shots into the varkid's other eye. The creature let out one final cry of pain finally before it slumped over dead.
Gaige just looked back at the still-sizzling abdomen of the badass before looking at Kai again. "Can I get that tech?" She asked with pleading eyes.
"Possibly, but it could take me a while to get the parts to make the modification."
Another badass varkid screamed as it was thrown across the area. It smashed into the side of one of the bunkers with a wet sickening crunch before sliding to the ground in a heap. The teens both look to where Caboose is, only to find him standing on a small pile of varkids with a green blood-covered rebar rod in hand.
"I AM CABOOSE! THE BUG EXTERMINATOR!" Caboose yelled.
"Good job Caboose." Kai yelled to the blue armored raider. Just then a dozen more badass varkids started spilling out of the mountain.
"Aww f*ck." Kai muttered.
Before they could move a loud thump went off with a group of varkids exploding in fire a second later. "Suck it varkid scum! The only good bug is a dead bug!" Yelled a raider in orange armor as he fired two more shots from a six-shot grenade launcher.
Another Raider in maroon armor with a Vladof spingun in hand looked between his partner and the bugs. "Umm, yeah! Suck it blues! I mean bugs! f*ck!" He yelled as he fired.
"Seriously Simmons! It's been over a year since we fought the Blues!"
"Just shut up and start shooting Grif!"
"More friends of Caboose?" Gaige asked.
"Former enemies actually… But I guess friends work too." Kai said as he pulled out a corrosive Vladof Renegade and began firing at the nearest varkid.
The fight was quickly finished up with Grif and Simmons' help. After which they all chucked in several pounds of explosives into the opening in the mountain sealing up the problem. After this, the two teens soon found themselves reentering the city to continue their adventure. "So where to next?" Gaige asked as they walked along.
The next hour was spent in the outer ring which was filled with various shops. Gaige explored a thrift shop which to her surprise had a decent collection of leather jackets. Of course, when skags are a dime a dozen it makes sense. Kai then showed her the city Library which had an oddly large collection of manga and an oddly large collection of books about platypuses. As they left Gaige noticed another place just down the block. It had old neon lights lining an overhang with a sign over the door that showed a cartoonish warthog with an old vintage US quarter in its mouth as it seemed to be running, calledThe Quarter Hog.
"Is that a vintage arcade?" Gaige asked, pointing to a building that sat on a corner.
Kai looked to where she was pointing. "Oh yeah. I've never been to the place though. It's been a long time since I've been to any arcade."
"How long ago?" Gaige asked curiously.
Kai thought for a moment. "I think when I was maybe… seven, eight? It was for one of my birthdays."
"Eight!? Oh no, we are fixing that! As a gamer you need some good old retro pixels every once in a blue moon, come on!" Gaige said as she grabbed his arm with her prosthetic, ensuring he could not escape.
They enter the arcade to find the place decorated in a retro 80's theme with dark primary paneon lights filled with ancient arcade machines, Mortal Kombat, Pac-Man, Galaga, Polybius, Street Fighter, Donkey Kong, and dozens more. The only thing was while the arcade was open and running nobody was around.
"Huh, that's weird." Kai said. "I figured there'd be a few people here or maybe some kids from the orphanage."
"Wait, Sanctuary has an orphanage?" Gaige asked in surprise.
Before they could say anything else on the topic, both teens were hit by a foul smell that could only be mentally described as curdled milk and moldy gym socks baked together in the Pandoran sun for a week before being marinaded in a waste sewage plant for a month. "Ugh, what the hell is that smell?" Kai asked.
"Well, well, well. I see a pair of plebs have decided to enter mydomain." Came a young nasally voice. They looked to see a somewhat overweight man in his late teens, or early twenties. He had on a black trench coat with several game company patches sawed on with a gray T-shirt with a Tediore Gamma Comm logo on it with several food stains. On his back was a gaudy-looking longsword in a scabbard with a belt that had a gold belt buckle that saidLeeton it.
"Oh no." Gaige said in dread.
"What?" Kai asked.
"It'shim."
"Eh?" Kai sounded out as he looked at the guy.
"I give you praise for having the bravery to place yourselves before me but you will find nothing but your DOOOOM!" The guy said with his arms raised as he began to laugh.
Kai just stared at the guy for several seconds before whipping out his Dahl pistol, aiming at the guy, and clicking the safety off in a second. "Eeeeh! Not the face!" The guy screamed upon realizing his predicament.
"HEY! No shooting anyone in our Arcade!" An older brown-haired woman came out and yelled. "I have enough problems with getting new customers as is with this idiot here."
"What's that supposed to mean!?"
"Exactly what it means. You've scared off all of our customers with your rants, rudeness, challenges, and stench. If it wasn't for the fact you rented this place out for the next ten years I'd have kicked you out in the first week!" The woman said.
"What, you want more money wench? Fine then." He pulled out a large stack of bills and threw it to the woman who caught it. She scowled at the teen before pocketing it.
"Now then where was I... Ah yes. DOOOOOM!"
"Oi, put a sock in itEugene." Gaige said in a bored tone that was sharp enough to cut steel, causing the guy to flinch.
"Eugene? You know this guy?" Kai asked.
"This is the first time we've met in real life, but sadly yes, I do. We used to get into arguments on the ECHOnet, and I guess you could call it a bitter rivalry over classic arcade games… He would also try to flip the script and try to, and I quote, woo the hot tomboy gamer girl on stream."
Kai's left eye had a near-imperceptible twitch as he looked back to the guy. "When was this?"
About four years ago after starting my ECHOs. I just blocked him after the third tournament we were both competing in."
"Wait, Gaige?" He asked, looking her over. "Gaige, my Gamer Queen! You've finally come to me"
"I'm not yours or anyone else's queen, Eugene! Plus my channel was more about engineering, I only streamed a few games to make some extra money for parts and tools, same with those tournaments."
"And yet you have finally come to me, in my fortress!"
"f*ck off Eugene!" Gaige growled causing the teen to flinch. Soon though a look of disdain crossed his face.
"I don't know where you learned that filthy name but my true name is GAGG! Not Eugene!"
As they argued Kai turned to the woman who was now accompanied by a muscular bald man of similar age who was a good head and a half taller than Kai. Both were wearing casual wear including jeans and tee shirts with gamer references or music bands, although the man had an apron draped over his right shoulder.
"I'm Kai by the way and that's Gaige." Kai said.
"Oh, good to meet someone without doing the usual Pandoran handshake. I'm Hilda and this handsome stud muffin is my husband Mac. Best cook in all of the borderlands."
"Sup." The man said with a nod.
"Sup." Kai replied with a courteous head nod. "So what's the story here?"
"Eugene or as he likes to be known as, GAGG is a video game streamer who is full of himself. He came in about two years ago shortly after we reopened the place and ran off all of our customers and essentially lives here now. The only reason we put up with him is because we make over two thousand bucks a day off the punk… Plus we still get delivery orders for food."
Kai ran the numbers through his head. "That's at least seven hundred and thirty thousand dollars a year!" Kai said in shock.
"Hey, that's right, you're a sharp one kid." Hilda said as Kai continued to gawk in shock.
"Is he rich or something?" Kai asked.
"Not really, he just makes a crap ton of money from his live streams, online tournaments, and game reviews. Although it's more slandering as I'm pretty sure companies pay him just to smear their competition. However, he blows most of it on junk food, games, and if what we've seen from several packages that were… Open upon delivery, he seems to be an avid collector of p*rn and old anime dating sims of the more promiscuous kind which he's hiding from his mother." Mac says.
"Really? Dating sims?" Kai muttered.
"Yeah, some weird titles like Doki Doki Gamers Club, Tomboy Arcade 1 through 12, My High School Gamer Life, Neo Gamers Love at level 0." Hilda said as she counted off on her hand.
Kai blinked before looking over to Gaige and then back. "I think I'm starting to see a pattern." He was silent for a moment until another question came to mind. "You said reopened? What's that about?"
"Oh. We opened this shop initially when Dahl first moved in to start mining." Hilda said. "We were trying to capitalize on all the workers and their families who were here as Dahl had estimated it was going to be a good forty years here at the very least. After things slow down we'd take our earnings, pack up, sell the arcade, and then find a nicer world to set up shop on with a family. . . Then the Crimson Lance invaded in force after the Vault key was rumored to be found. At first, the city was put under martial law, but eventually, too many people left so they just kicked everyone out and turned it into an outpost, only for them to abandon it to the bandits a few months later after Knoxx got canned." Hilda said with venom.
"Before that, we left for New Haven which I'm sure you know what happened there. Eventually, some of the Raiders, cleared the city and we were able to take back our little claim of happiness. Sadly because of GAGG, we can't share that dream with people." Mac said with a grunt.
"Couldn't you just, I don't know, give him the boot, refuse further business, maybe just… lock him out?"
"The kid's mom is one of the civilian council heads. If we try to kick him out, she'll put us out of business." Mac replied.
Kai was silent for several seconds until a thought occurred to him. "Wait, is his mom that old angry bitch of a crow, Edith?"
"Yup. Know her?" Hilda asked.
"Had to deliver a message to her once for Roland. That old witch called me a bastard and insulted my mother by saying she must be so sad she gave birth to a useless vagrant thief. All because my jacket was a little wrinkled." Kai said with disgust.
"Yep, sounds just like her. Anyways, we've tried to talk to the kid about saving up his earnings so he could get his own place or even buy a ticket off this rock, but he says, and I quote. Why would I leave my kingdom?" Mec said.
"Someone has an unchecked ego." Kai muttered as he turned back to the argument.
"You're all talk and second-rate at best!" Gaige yelled.
YOU DARE INSULT MY SKILLS! Fine, I challenge you to a true test of our skills!" He points to a pair of game cabinets that read Pac-Man on the sides. "One v one! Fifteen minutes, the highest score or lone survivor wins." GAGG said. An evil lecherous grin crossed his face. "And if I win, you have to go on a date with me!"
"OH HELL NO!" Gaige yelled. "Why would I agree to that!"
"So you refuse to play?" GAGG said as an old camera drone flew down next to him with its record light on. "And in front of the ECHOnet. That will look great for your channel, Gaige." He said snidely.
Gaige gritted her teeth in anger at the situation. Kai however sees an opportunity. "And if Gaige wins?"
"What?" GAGG said in surprise, both at the question and forgetting that Kai was even there. Gaige looks at Kai with a what the f*ck look on her face.
"If she wins, what does she get?" Kai calmly asks again.
"HA! As if she could beat me!" GAGG says flippantly.
"Then if you're not going to offer up any kind of compensation for her win then by Pandoran betting law she's legally forbidden from taking your challenge."
"What?" Both teens asked.
"Pandora betting rule twenty-eight. All parties competing in a bet and/or challenge with stakes must offer or present a wager of either equal value or agreeable terms that both parties consent to conduct the bet. Failure of one party to offer compensation for their potential loss can result in the other party being able to refuse the bet slash challenge without ridicule. If one party attempts to pressure or force the other party without a proper wager then said the party will either be fined or jailed for an amount equal in time value to what they proposed." Kai said with GAGG stepping back nervously at the sheer authority Kai was expressing with his voice.
"Rule twenty-eight, section five, sub-paragraph G three further states that if one member of the competing party wagers sexual, marital, or dating offers of one kind or another, then the other party has to either offer an equivalent no strings attached monetary bet, value of which is dependent on the age, gender, and social status of the other party, or offer a similar favor to the other party they must agree to, risk the forfeiture of valued place, an item, property, trade agreement, or rights, in writing that is signed by both parties and witnessed by at least a minimum of three people who also sign the agreement. Failure to offer such compensation will legally forfeit any challenges made and if the challenger attempts to force participation without offering collateral or under the threat of cowardice they will be either incarcerated for a minimum of three months, killed by double tap, or if their suggested offer is found insulting enough without proper compensation, death by psycho meat toboggan." Everyone stared at Kai in shock at the statement for several seconds.
"Those can't be real laws!" GAGG said.
"Actually, they are." Everyone looked to the door to see Marshall Freemen and a Raider in dark gray armor with yellow trimming in various places.
"Ah, Marshall, agent Washington, good to see you again… Why are you guys here?" Kai asked.
"Kai you can just call me Wash, or Deputy Wash today since I'm filling in. Plus that rule, yeah that's real."
"As for why we're here we got word of yelling coming from here. Course when we saw Kai's little display we didn't want to interrupt. Good job by the way kid, glad to see you memorized the rules." Freemen said with a tilt of his hat.
"Thank you, sir, we had a similar code on Polaris so it was easy for me to pick up. Of course, Riess made sure I understood the finer nuances of Pandora's code." Kai said as GAGG was sputtering.
"Wha- But- HOW ARE THOSE REAL LAWS?! THIS IS PANDORA, THE MOST LAWLESS PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE?!" GAGG yelled.
"While most laws are only made and regulated by each settlement, the betting code is a universally enforced set of rules here on Pandora. Even among the most idiotic of bandits and maddest of psychos." Freeman states to GAGG. "That said, for this case, judging by the young misses age, height and. . . Sorry to ask, do you currently or have ever had a boyfriend… or girlfriend, and have ever been with anyone?"
Gaige was stumped for a second at the question. "Um, no, never." Gaige answered.
"I see, then as the betting codes established estimation guide for rule twenty-eight, section five, sub-paragraph G four states, I'd estimate that the appropriate monetary compensation amount would be." Marshall was doing some mental math when Wash spoke up.
"One million eight hundred and twenty-three thousand dollars." He states leaving nearly everyone stunned except Kai who nodded in agreement.
"That sounds about right." Kai nodded
"How is that estimation even a thing?" Gaige asked. "And why such a specific rule?"
"Mad Moxxi." Marshall, Wash, and Kai all said together.
Gaige stared at them until she let out a sigh. "That actually makes too much sense."
"But, but, I can't afford that much!" GAGG said in disbelief.
"Then that would make your challenge null and void." Kai said making Gaige let out a sigh. "Unless you can come up with some kind of alternate agreement thatourparty or another partywerepresent can agree upon for compensation." Kai said that sent a foreboding shiver up her spine. "Something like… Oh, I don't know… Only being allowed to rent this place out for yourself only one day every two weeks."
The room was silent as everyone processed his words for several seconds. "WHAT!? But this is my castle, my fortress, MY BASTION OF PRIDE!"
"No, it's our property you f*cking twat." Mac said as Hilda nodded. "And we would agree to those terms if you were willing to represent our interests, young miss." Mac said to Gaige who could see why they would ask.
"No deal!" GAGG yelled.
"Then after today, you won't be legally able to challenge Gaige again for three months unless you want to set a lower wager or can give something of agreeable value to your wager. As per rule nineteen, sub-paragraph three of the code." GAGG was quiet as everyone waited. After a minute Kai just let out a sigh. "So you don't want to budge then… I see. Alright then, come on Gaige let's not waste any more time." Kai said as he turned to walk out. Gaige quickly moved to follow as she didn't want to even be near GAGG.
They were nearly to the door when GAGG let out a frustrated huff. "FINE!" Gaige's heart stops as she looks back. "I'll wager my right to rent out this place!" GAGG said with disdain. "But whenIwin, you have to go out with me!" He said, pointing to Gaige.
Uuugh." Gaige nervously stepped back.
"Deal." Gaige snapped her head to Kai who had a sh*t-eating grin.
A few minutes later everyone was talking or mentally preparing as Marshall Freeman had left to go make the proper agreement document. Gaige however was having a freakout as she paced back and forth. "How could you put me in this position Kai!? I don't want to even think about dating that disgusting, slimy, lecherous, pimple-faced louse!"
"Relax you got this." Kai said as he was scrolling through his ECHO.
"He's the seven-time delta cluster Pac-Man champion!"
Kai paused for a moment and thought about it. "Okay, that may be an issue, but you've won several tournaments yourself, right?
Gaige blushed at the fact he knew about that, as she indeed had participated in several tournaments. While she was surprisingly good at the game and had been told by many she had a shot at the bigger tournaments such as the sector championship. She had then joined the sector grand tournament that happened to be hosted on Eden 6 when she was thirteen. Suffice it to say, she was quickly disgusted by the other players, many of whom acted similarly to GAGG. Gaige shivered at the memory before replying. "Small planetary tournaments and at a single sector tournament that was years ago!"
"See, no issue." He said as he continued to do something with his ECHO.
"You bet my first date!"
"As I said, you got this. Plus I have a plan to guarantee your victory." He paused for a second. "Although you're not gonna like it."
"Why?" Gaige asked.
"Well first, I'll need you to look over these images and quotes." Kai said as he handed her his ECHO with several tabs open.
Gaige took the ECHO and looked it over. Almost immediately went red-faced. "What is this!?"
"How you're gonna win." He said flatly. "Oh, but before that... hike up your skirt."
"What!?" Gaige exclaimed.
X-X-X
Fifteen minutes later Gaige and GAGG were standing in front of a pair of game cabinets as Wash was standing between them. "Alright, the bet has been witnessed and both parties have agreed to the terms and rules that are stated on this document they have signed. This match is between GAGG and the Vault Hunters. Agreed?" Both teens replied yes with a little hesitation from Gaige. "Right, here are the rules. The highest score after fifteen minutes wins or if one player loses all their lives leaving victory to the survivor. Any other rules anyone wants to add?"
GAGG was about to add something when Gaige just groaned in annoyance. "Ugh, let's get this over with." Gaige said flippantly, which surprised the GAGG. He looked Gaige over again as she walked to her cabinet and noted that her skirt seemed a little shorter than he remembered. 'Was it that short before, and that flippant uncaring attitude? Was she like that before?'
"Kid, you ready?" Wash asked GAGG, jolting him from his thoughts.
"Huh? Ah, yes, YES! Of course, I'm always ready, boomer." He said as he got to his unit.
"Boomer? But I'm not that- Whatever." Wash muttered as both teenagers pulled out a quarter that the arcade used as tokens and had them ready. "Alright, Ready… annnnd… GO!"
Both players dropped their quarters into their cabinets and immediately got into the game with intense focus. Dodging ghosts, and grabbing points, all while controls were being flung left and right. GAGG was in the zone as he raced his character through the digital maze.
Halfway in GAGG was grinning as his mind wandered slightly. 'HA, nothing can stop. Soon I will once again prove my superiority as the greatest gamer. And also get a hot ass gamer girlfriend out of-'
*POP!*
The sudden noise caught GAGG off guard as he quickly glanced over to Gaige and nearly backed in surprise. She was leaning on the cabinet with her chin resting on her robot hand with a broad expression on her face. She then suddenly blew a bubble of pink bubblegum which popped after several seconds. 'Holy RNG she looks almost like Fifi from theSummer at Gamescomseries with that pose. So hot!' He thought. Suddenly the death cry of Pac-Man came from his cabinet. He snapped back and squeaked as he was now down to two lives.
"What, lost a life already?" GAGG looks back to Gaige to see her give him a bored glance. "Wow, you are pathetic, scrub." She said before blowing another bubble.
'She even acts like the character!' GAGG thought only to hear another death on his screen as Blinky killed him for another life.
*Pop!* "Twice in a minute, are you even trying, noob?" Gaige laughed.
GAGG clenched his teeth as he got back to the game.
As the duel continued everyone else was several feet behind them. Hilda leaned closer to her husband. "What's up with his majesty? Never seen him play so bad." She asked.
"It's definitely strange." Mac said.
"Not really, it's all part of the plan after all." Kai said with a smirk.
Mac looked at Kai and then to Gaige as a smirk grew on his face. "Oh, I think I see where this is going."
The two players continued as GAGG was able to quickly catch up with Gaige's score after losing time and even gained an extra life.
The distinct sound of a Pac-Man death came from his left immediately followed by, "Darn it!" He glanced over to Gaige and saw she had a pouting look of anger on her face. "Why is it always Clyde who kills me!?" She glanced over to GAGG. "What are you looking at, pleb!" Gaige said with a hint of disdain in her voice.
'Oh my power boost, she sounds just like Camie from Pixel Fantasy 7. Such a demanding tone, I bet she is using that to cover her soft vulnerable emotional side like Camiechan. TSUNDERE ARE THE BEST!' His thoughts were once again interrupted when he heard a death chime and turned to see his character killed again.
"Wow, again! The great GAGG must be losing his edge." Gaige said mockingly.
He turns to her with red-faced anger. "I am the seven-time sector Pacman champion. You dare mock me with the mere thought that I, GAGG, am losing my ed-
*Eiweiweiweiweiw-wuh-wuh.*
He turned and stared in shock at the screen as it now showed he was down to his only life left. GAGG immediately rushed to make sure his last life wasn't forfeited.
It was getting to the last two minutes and GAGG had caught up to Gaige's score and passed it. 'Yes, victory is in my grasp! Now all I have to do is stay alive and Gaige will have to love me! . . . That doesn't sound right. . . Eh, Who cares, cute gamer tomboy girlfriend here I come!' He screams in his mind as a manic grin spreads across his face.
"Dammit! Girl, looks like you're gonna need to get serious!" Gaige muttered to herself just loud enough for GAGG to hear.
'Wait that sounded almost like Princess Hanako from Gēmā no Joō 3!' He thought. It's one of my favorite dating sims and one of the best characters of all time! And Gaige is almost just like her!' GAGG thought with a dreamy dumb look on his face for several seconds until he shook off the thought. 'Focus GAGG! All seeing eye on the prize!' However, that thought made his mind quickly wander again.
His character was in a safe corner near one of the power pellets, so he felt safe to take another glance at his opponent. Looking over, his jaw nearly hit the ground. Gaige was leaning into the cabinet with her butt sticking out and legs slightly spread with her back in a curvaceous arch. 'HOLY sh*t, HOLY sh*t, HOLY sh*t! SHE'S EVEN IN PRINCESS HANAKO'S FAMOUS HYPER FOCUS MODE!' GAGG's mind screamed. 'No, no NO! You need to focus Eugene! You can admire your prize later.' He thought before looking back at the screen only to yelp as two ghosts charge at him and block him from the power pellet. He immediately rushes to move out of the way and tries to swing around them but is cut off again by the red ghost. It takes him several precious seconds to get out and escape the ghosts.
'It's fine, I have the lead. I just need to play it safe and not get distracted ag-' His mind ground to a halt as he glanced at Gaige only to realize she was bent even further and sticking her butt out even more. 'Oh, my flaming hot cheese puffs.' GAGG mentally yelled in his hormone-driven brain that was now laser-focused on Gaige. He noted that the more Gaige leans in the more her skirt raises.
'Come on, come on! Just lean in a little bit more and I'll get to see that sweet, hot, curvy-'
Something small and hard hits GAGG in the side of his head, making him jump. He hears a metallic ping as something hits the ground and bounces into his boot. He looks down to see a quarter rolling on the ground.
"Stop ogling my friend, you f*cking lech!" Kai loudly yelled in anger, which angered GAGG in return.
"Why you brainless brute! How dare you throw-"
*Eiweiweiweiweiw-wuh-wuh.*
A cold chill set in GAGG's gut as he heard the familiar sound. He looked to the screen to see the horrifying words GAME OVER emblazoned on the screen. "Aaaad the winner is Gaige!" Wash says.
Gaige jumped in the air and let out a wahoo. She then froze for a second before quickly tugging her skirt down to its normal place, upon seeing that it clicked in GAGG's mind.
"You- You played me! You played me with your feminine wiles! You cheated!" He yelled.
"Hey, it's your fault you got distracted, kid. Plus the only rules were either the highest score after fifteen minutes or be the last one alive. She lived, you died, can't get simpler than that." Wash said.
"But, but." GAGG stuttered as he looked around and spotted Kai. "WAIT! He threw a quarter at me! He interfered with our dual!"
"You never stipulated any outside interference." Wash said as he crossed his arms.
"Plus the challenge was you versus the Vault Hunters, plurel. Not a Vault Hunter. I'm a Vault Hunter, she a Vault Hunter, I don't see an issue." Kai said as Gaige walked over to him.
"What!?" GAGG said.
"Whoops, I must have accidentally added an s out of habit." Marshall said with a small smirk that GAGG missed.
"RRRRRRGH, FINE! Whatever, you won, get out of my lair!" GAGG yelled only for Mac to walk up and hand him an envelope. Confused, GAGG opened the envelope to find a large wad of cash. "What's this?"
"Because of your deal, we legally have to return the remaining advance money you spent on renting our establishment. Remember, you are now contractually only allowed to rent this place out for yourself once every two weeks. We please ask you to remove all of your stuff by the end of the day before closing time at twelve or else all remaining items will be forfeited and tossed in the dumpster." Mac said.
"As an apology here's a coupon for one freesmallpizza." Hilda said with a sh*t-eating grin as she handed a stupified GAGG a coupon. "And going forward, customers can no longer extend reservations at our establishment or make multiple reservations in a week."
"And the limit per reservation is for four hours max, including any setup or clean up." Mac finished with a sh*t-eating grin.
"But, but, where will I shoot all my live streams and game reviews!" GAGG cried as panicked tears ran down his face.
"That's your problem kid. Thank you for coming." Mac said with a sarcastic wave. GAGG slumped and walked to where his stuff was in absolute defeat. The two owners turned to the Vault Hunters where Hilda suddenly grabbed both of them and pulled them into a back-breaking bullymong hug.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! We thought we'd never get rid of him!" Hilda cried.
"It was nothing." Kai said as he winced at the bone-crushing hug.
"Nothing my fine ass. Ugh, I felt like Marcie and her damn entourage showing off like the slu*ts they are." Gaige said as Hilda let go.
"Don't think of it like that… Think of it like Moxxi and her girls playing the customers."
Gaige was silent for several seconds. "On the one hand, I think that's worse… Buuuut considering it's Moxxi doing it I think I can live with it."
"Well anyways as a show of gratitude, free pizzas for life!" Hilda said, causing the teens to perk up.
"Ah da da! Honey, we just got out of a bad deal. How about one free large pizza once a week."
"I think that's fair." Gaige said before pausing. "What do you guys even use for pizza ingredients on Pandora?"
"Best not to ask." Kai said.
The two soon left and continued through the city. They next stopped at a ramen bar called Ninetails which was run by a blonde man with whisker marks on his face and his wife who had dark blue hair and pale lavender eyes, where they grabbed lunch. Afterward, they began roaming the streets moving to the second ring.
"So where to next?" Gaige asked.
"Well after your little duel earlier."
"That you helped instigate." Gaige muttered with venom, making Kai sheepishly look away.
"Right, right, and thinking of some of the other fights we've recently had, it reminded me of an area of fighting you need to work on as a Vault Hunter."
"And that would be?"
"Physical training." Kai said bluntly as Gaige stopped walking.
"What!? Why would I need that!?" Gaige said in slight panic.
"Not one for phys ed I see." Kai smirked as Gaige let out a sigh.
"Marcie and herfriends." She said with her hands quoting. "Would always focus me in dodgeball, trip me during laps, steal my clothes as I showered, and many other things."
"Ah, I see."
"Plus phys ed was just soooo booooring. You don't learn anything, you get all hot and sweaty, the gym teacher yells at you if you slow down, and the locker room smells like piss, sweat, cheap body spray, and hormones."
"Glad I never had high school gym. But there is some truth to what you said, you wouldn't learn anything in a school gym class."
Gaige looked at him for a second. "That was worded oddly."
"Of course, it was. Because you are not going to a high school gym class for training." Kai said as he stopped. "You're going to a real gym." He said as he held his arms up in front of a building. Gaige looked up to see an old sign shaped like a storm cloud that said El Tormenta's gym.
"What the hell am I supposed to do here?" She asked as Kai opened the door. Isn't it obvious, to work out, build muscles, and get stronger."
Gaige imagined herself suddenly Uber jacked with muscle on muscles. She paled at the thought. "But I don't want to look like a jacked-up muscle-headed idiot!" She exclaimed as they moved through the entry area."
"Gaige, you're not gonna become a muscle head just from doing a simple workout. But that's besides the point as we're here for one more other thing."
"And that is?"
With a smirk, he pushed open a set of double doors which led to a large room, which had a square fighting ring in the center with two people occupying it. "To teach you to fight." Kai said as Salvador suddenly slammed into one of the ring corners letting out a pained oof as he clambered back up.
"En serio Salvador, ¿realmente pensaste que podrias derrotarme tan facilmente?" Said a large dark tan man with a deep cultured voice who Salvador was fighting. To her embarrassment, the man was very fit and muscular as his shirtless upper body was on show for all to see. The only articles of clothing were a tight pair of blue pants with silver lightning bolts running along the side of each leg with a pair of silver boots. He also had a pair of decorated cuffs around his forearm with a similar lightning motif. The look was completed with a full-face wrestling blue mask that even wrapped around his chin, with several silver lightning bolts running over the top.
"Despues de todas las historias de tus varias peleas en bares, yo hubiera creido que me habrias dado un mejor desafio" The wrestler continued leaving Gaige clueless as she watched Sal get back up.
Salvador spites out some blood as he just grins like a mad man. "Oh, tu crees que eso es todo lo que tengo, entonces preparate para ser muy decepcionado, porque no voy a ser derrotado por un niño en pijamas que su mami le compro." Salvador said, which left his opponent shacking in rage.
¡Te atreves a insultar mi mascara de Luchador y a mi madre al mismo tiempo! ¡Pagaras por tu atrevimiento! ¡TRUENO RODANTE!" The wrestler yelled out as he jumped into the air into a spin that angled his body parallel to the ring, slamming into Sal and knocking him across the ring where he bounced off the ropes and onto the ring.
It took a second for Salvador to get up, but he still had a sh*t-eating grin on his face and a busted lip to go with it. "Eso me hizo cosquillas, ¿quieres intentarlo de nuevo pequeñin?" Salvador asked with a sh*t-eating grin.
Meanwhile, Gaige and Kai were talking as they watched the fight from the ringside. "Look, while I can possibly see some use from wrestling, I don't think I'm built for it."
"You're not going to learn wrestling. You're like, what, less than 50 kilograms? You'd be yeeted across town in an instance… Plus I don't think a crazy wrestling outfit fits your fashion."
Salvador lands face-first on the floor of the ring in front of them. He picks his head up and looks at the teens. "I don't know amigo, I think red would look awesome in a luchador mask." The luchador lands on Sal with an elbow drop onto Sal's back, knocking the air out of him.
"Gaige, meet El Tormenta, while he's most proficient with wrestling he is a practitioner of several martial arts, including Judo, Tai Chi, Sambo, Mauy Tai, Kajukenbo. Not sure if I'm pronouncing that right. Hap Ki Do, Kapap, and Lethwei."
"Ahh, a new student. I see. How do you do senorita." The masked man said in greeting with a bow of his head.
"Uuugh hi… That's an extensive list of skills… Why are you on Pandora?"
"Like you, I accidentally killed the young heir of a rich family, a young man decided to try and fight me in a no-holds-barred cage match to impress some girl… The man had overestimated me and lied about his skills, so I didn't hold back and dropped him in one move. . . A move that ended up breaking about eighty percent of the man's bones and burst several organs."
Gaige stared at the wrestler for several seconds. "Okay, not expecting to meet someone of a similar origin as me."
"Anyways you'll be learning basic hand to hand from him. Punching, kicking, blocking, counters, the works." Kai said.
"Why though? I already know how to punch."
"Yeah, you can throw a mean punch, but you have no technique to really make use of it. The only reason it works most of the time is that you're robot arm is strong enough to punch through concrete without effort."
"He's right, simply knowing how to punch is not enough to fight. You need technique to gain the most out of your attacks. You also need to learn how to read your opponent, know when to press and retreat, and many more lessons."
"Not to be rude but my back is starting to feel cramped." Sal muttered.
"Apologies my friend, I was distracted. Senorita, please come by anytime and I will help you out with learning the art of fighting, of course, I would also suggest using the facility's workout machines." El Tormenta said before he grabbed Sal's feet and dragged him back leaving the teens.
"Yeah, no." Gaige said. "Look I can understand learning to fight, but do I have to do all the other exercise crap? I'm already running around the wastelands and everything."
"Girl, you can never get enough physical training." Came a sing-song voice that caused Gaige to jump. She looked left to see Trixie in an orange sports bra and white yoga pants that looked painted on her walking up to them.
"Yeah, plus thekillerfigures you get from all of that work." Came Abigail's voice to her right. She was posing with her back to Gaige, looking over her shoulder which showed off her green short shorts that hugged her butt with a very loose black gym top. Gaige was pretty sure she didn't have a bra on.
"And if you really want proof, just look at this meat grinder!" Susan said as she snuck up behind Kai, grabbed the hem of his shirt and jacket, and pulled it up. Gaige's eyes went wide as she saw muscles, not hardcore bodybuilder muscles, but a healthy piece of eye candy with several tough-looking scars that shorted her teenage brain to the point that all she could think of was a six-pack.
It took Kai a second to fight off Susan's grip and pull his shirt back down. His face was slightly red as he turned and glared at Susan. "Really Susan?"
"What, I was just showing your friend the product of consistent gym training." She said as she showed off her own body, showing off a green skintight leotard worn over a pair of cream yoga shorts.
"Why are you three even here? Moxxi's should be open already." Kai asked.
"There was a fight last night before closing so we had to repaint a few walls this morning." Abigail said. "Moxxi gave us the rest of the day off till after dinner so it can all dry."
"So we figured, hey why don't we get a nice workout in. After all, we ladies gotta maintain the goods." Trixie said, giving Abigail's ass a loud smack, causing the woman to let out an eep.
"Tell you what, next time we have a workout day will drag you along, cutie." Susan said as she wrapped an arm around Gaige's shoulders.
"Ummm, no thanks." Gaige said as she tried to inch away.
"Oh, did I say you had a choice? We can even start right now, I think we got an extra set of yoga pants that will fit you." Susan said sweetly, causing another shiver to run down Gaige's spine. She'd been getting a lot of those feelings today, she thought.
"No kidnapping today girls. We're just exploring the town today, although we will now need to find another place for dinner." Kai said as the three women gave Gaige a cheeky smile.
"Oooh, a day out on the town. How nice." Abigail said.
"Don't let us stop you from having a good time." Trixie said as she started pushing the two.
"Have fun, you crazy kids. No funny business… Yet~." Susan said as the teens were rapidly pushed out the door leaving the three of them alone.
"Aaah! I didn't think things would move so fast with them!" Trixie said.
"Easy girl, we know you have a matchmaking fetish but try to cool it a little." Abigail said as Susan laughed before it was broken by El Tormenta landing in front of the girls on an old yoga mat.
"You still got a lot to learn idiot!" Salvador yelled for the ring.
After leaving the teen continued through the city. "So any ideas as to where we can get dinner?"
I have one idea. Come on. Kai said as they walked back towards the second ring where they found a small restaurant that looked like a small dinner. A restaurant whose door was covered in police tape and biohazard stickers with a written notice. "Closed due to illegal use of and breeding of ratchs. . . That would explain why their burgers were so... Unique." Kai said as Gaige turned a little green.
After taking a moment to remove that thought from her mind she turned to her friend. "So what now?"
Before Kai could say anything they heard a commotion coming from a nearby alleyway. "The hell?" Kai muttered as he walked towards the alley. They turn the corner to see three guys dressed in various neon light cyberpunk fashions surrounding a young man. Further down were several more people in similar attire just lazing about. That is when who the teens guessed was the leader pinned the young man to the wall by the shirt collar. The boss was a tall man with a blue mohawk and an angular gasmask with glowing white X's for eyes. He also had on a purple spike studded leather jack with glowing lights running along the trim, and black ripped jeans that end in spiked leather boots.
"Where's the f*cking money Benny, we gave you a week and we haven't a f*cking buck!" The mohawk man demanded.
"Look man I'll have the money next time! I just need a little dust to hold me over for a day." The civilian said in a tiered but aloof voice.
"Hold it, have- have you been sampling the product!?" The man said in anger. "Rule one of dealing, never sample the product. . . Wait, did you consume all of that eridium dust?!"
The civie just shrugged. "It was a good high man. I. I can pay you back later."
The mohawk man in a blatant fury grabbed the man and lifted him off his feet by the scruff of his jacket before slamming him into the alley's wall. "That's what you said the other day! You have two choices, pay up or choke on lead!" He yelled as he slammed the civilian to the wall again. "And I doubt you'll be able to pay up considering how much it was all worth." The punk said darkly.
"Oi." Kai yelled, getting everyone's attention as Gaige co*cked the slide on her Rogue Smuggler. "What's this aboutdustin Sanctuary? Because anyone who lives in this city knows what happened to the last punks who tried pushing eridium dust or any other crap."
"Look kids, I see you're trying to play hero, but this is serious adult business. None of your Vault Hunting mystical adventures for alien bullsh*t. So either leave or get whacked." The guy said as his other associates down the alley started to pull out bats and chains.
Kai slowly pulled out his Dahl pistol and pulled Hati's photon sphere out. "Gaige, try and incapacitate. Roland and the marshall will want to question them." Out of the corner, he saw Gaige nod as she slowly brought up her left arm, but kept her gun out.
The mohawk guy suddenly digistructed a Maliwan SMG and fired on the teens who both moved to the opposite sides of the alleyway as green tracers flew between them. Kai took cover behind a stack of pallets and Gaige ducked by a dumpster opposite from him. Kai tossed the emitter between them, a flash of light appeared in the middle of the alley as Hati appeared and let out a howl before rushing the leader. The man yelled and ducked as Hati jumped over the guy and one other landed on top of a gang member. Hati started ripping into the man who started screaming as all his buddies backed up in fear.
Gaige uses this distraction to stand up and raise her robot arm. "Time for a robot beat down! Get'em D!" Gaige yelled as she summoned DT. DT shot forward past Hati and immediately deployed his digistruct claws. He reached a guy in a neon yellow glowing face mask and slashed the man from shoulder to hip. The man stood there for a few seconds before he looked down at the cut and then back to the death bot. "Ow… my tummy hurts." Slowly whole torso began to slide diagonally before falling to the ground leaving the lower torso crumpling ground.
"HOLY SPARK! D don't go lethal!" Gaige yelled in horror at the display.
"YOU BITCH!" Gaige looked to see a woman with a half-oni-like mask covering her mouth staring murderous rage at Gaige. "YOU KILLED HOOK! I'LL KILL YOU!" The woman rushed forward with blinding speed as her right arm split open and deployed a neon red-edged sword from what Gaige realized was a realistic prosthetic arm.
"OH sh*t!" Gaige yelled as the woman jumped to DT's left dodging a swipe from the robot as several other gang members started firing at DT and Hati. Gaige and Kai both fired several shots before the woman barreled over the dumpster Gaige had taken cover behind and kicked the teen straight out of the alley before rushing after her.
"GAIGE!" Kai yells as the mohawk guy fires back at him. They traded shots until both seemingly got lucky and shot the guns out of each other's hands. "f*ck!" Kai cursed.
"Fine, will do this the hard way!" The man yelled as he pulled out and placed on a pair of modified brass knuckles which sparked with electricity. The man rushed forward and threw a right haymaker which Kai dodged. But the man threw a fast left hook which caught Kai in the side. His shield absorbed the impact and electricity but he knew he could maybe only take two or three more heavy hits like that before his shield broke.
The man threw another punch which Kai blocked with the activation of his right holoblade, surprising the guy for a second. But only just as the punk jumped back as Kai swiped with his left blade barely scraping the man's shield. The man rushed in and gave a one-two punch, Kai dodged the first but the second one caught his shoulder. In retaliation, Kai jabbed his right arm forward and managed to punch his blade through the guy's shield into his right leg.
"f*ck! You damn pric- OOF!" He spat out as Kai backhanded him in the face with his fist. The punk staggered back but rolled left just in time to avoid another stab from Kai. Just as Kai turned to follow up, a surprise electrified knuckle punch from another gang member clocked him in the side of his face, breaking his shield and knocking him back.
The new guy was a dark-skinned punk in similar attire as the mohawk punk with near-shaven blonde hair and a pair of purple shutter sunglasses. "Don't worry boss, we Purple Condoms always stick together!" The punk yelled.
Kai who had been shaking off the hit froze and looked at the two. "Hold up, time out. What did you call yourselves?"
"We're the purple condoms, and we're going to f*ck you up." The mohawk man said.
Kai looked between the two for several seconds. ". . . Really?" They nodded leaving Kai dumbfounded for a second before letting out a snort while taking two steps back. "sh*t, you idiots are serious." He said as he started laughing. "I've heard some bad gang or clan names since coming here. The mellow dingles, Fuzz Skags, and most recently the sh*t Stain clan, but never have I heard of such a pathetic name! I mean is there even any reason or history behind it, or- no, no, wait! Let me guess, you're all the result of broken purple condoms!" He laughed as the two men grew so angry they didn't notice a hum of energy.
"You dare insult us! YOU DARE INSULT OUR FAMILY OF REJECTS BORN OF SIMILER CIRc*msTANCE!?" The mohawk man screamed as Kai backed up a few more steps in mock surprise.
Kai just looked between them and sighed. "Wow, I was just joking before but now it's just sad."
"DIE!" The other punk yelled as he pulled out a ratty-looking Maliwan shock pistol and shot four rounds at Kai. Surprisingly he managed to land three of the four shots pushing Kai several steps back, but a blue energy field ate the shots. "Wait, what!?" The punk yelled in shock.
"You idiots made two mistakes. First, you let me distract you long enough for my shield to recharge to full." He said as he pulled his wrapped rifle off his back. "Second, you gave me the distance and time to pull my trump card." Seeing what he was doing both men attempted to rush him just as the wraps fell from Kai's Clamintaine. In a flash, several shots rang through the alley as the bullets broke or ignored the gangster's weak shields. The mohawk guy took one in the chest and another in the leg, his buddy took two in the shoulder and one in the leg making both men fall over screaming in pain. "Well, that was anti-climactic." Kai muttered.
Outside the alley, Gaige was scrambling left and right to dodge the woman's blades as bystanders ran for cover. She had quickly discovered the bitch's left arm was also a realistic prosthetic with taser knuckles. . . She also actually knew how to punch, AND block. The crazy bitch ducked under a wild punch Gaige threw with her left arm and planted a sharp jab straight into the teen's side, both shocking her and knocking her shield to half its capacity.
Gaige threw another left haymaker at the bitch who dodged it with ease. "You may have a fancy robo arm, but it's obvious you don't know how to use it. An obese skag could dodge that punch." The woman taunted as she swiped with her sword. Gaige deflected it with her left arm thanking whatever deity of the mechanical kind that the red glow was more for looks than an indication of something extra.
Gaige jumped back pulling out an uncommon Jakob coach gun and rapidly blasted both barrels. The punk spun out of the way of the first shot but several pellets winged her shield on the second. Before Gaige could even reload the woman rushed and swung overhead with her sword. In reaction, Gaige lifted her shotgun and blocked the strike with a loud clang, but the punk immediately followed up with a kick into her gut knocking the teen back several steps. "f*ck." Gaige grunted. She looked at the shotgun and quickly noted the new gouge cut into both barrels. "Damn, and I just got it."
"Pay attention little bitch! I want to see your eyes as I cut you to ribbons!" The Punk yelled as she charged her. In reaction, Gaige threw the shotgun which the woman sliced through with no issue. Seeing this Gaige knew she didn't have time to pull out another gun. So Gaige threw another wild haymaker with her robot arm at the bitch hoping to intercept her, only for punk to dodge and counter with a punch of her own. The punk drove a punch Gaige in the gut, breaking her shield and causing her to double over.
The woman grabs Gaige by her vest and lifts her off the ground. Gaige tried to struggle but she was still shaken from the gut punch. "I've got you now skan*!" The woman said as raised her sword hand up in front of the teen's face. "I'm gonna enjoy cutting you up, little bitch." She said bringing her sword arm up.
*Click*
"I think not.Bitch." A cold female voice said. The crazy bitch slowly turned her head to the right and found the red glowing barrel head of a Hyperion shotgun in her face. "Put her down slowly, bitch." The woman slowly set Gaige down. The teen quickly backed away, and quickly caught her breath before getting a look at the other woman. The woman was in cyan raider armor but she wore a crimson lance assassin helmet instead of the normal raider helmet. "Now retract your weapons." The Raider said. The punk paused for a second before both hands deactivated and returned to normal, then the Raider grabbed the punk's hands and brought them behind her back before slapping a pair of cuffs that lit up blue.
"HEY! Why can't I move my hands!?" The punk said freaking out.
"EM cuffs, old crimson lance standard gear. Works on humans, robots, and everything in between. You okay kid?" The cyan raider asked looking to Gaige.
"Yeah, thanks."
Just then Kai came running out of the alley with his Clemintaine at the ready when he saw the situation. "Carolina? When did you get here?"
"Came as soon as I heard the first gunshots. Got here just in time to see this one's sloppy hand-to-hand nearly get her face gouged out."
"I wasn't that bad!" Gaige exclaimed.
"Sure… If you were to fight Claptrap. And I'd still put money on the annoying bot."
"Ouch, she not that bad Carolina." Kai said as he walked over and looked Gaige over. "Still this does reinforce the point I was making that you need some training and muscle building." Gaige just pouted at the comment as she knew he was right.
It took another two hours of talking with Carolina, Marshall Freeman, and Wash who showed up later to help clean up and arrest the gangster… The one's still alive anyway. The day was nearly over at this point and Gaige was tired and very hungry. "Ugh, this has been a long day."
"At least it was interesting." Kai said.
"Interesting! I nearly got blown off a cliff by a f*cking missile and was dragged into a videogame competition where I had to win or else I would have ended up dating the biggest slimo on this side of the galaxy. YOUR fault by the way. And then got into a street fight with a gang of eridium drug dealers... WHY WOULD ANYONE TAKE THAT sh*t!?" Gaige yelled in frustration.
"As I said, interesting. Just wait until the comments start coming in about the compitition."
"Comments? Why would you say that!?" Gaige asked with irritation rolling off of her.
". . . You do know GAGG was live-streaming the competition right?" Gaige froze and looked at Kai in horror.
"Y- y- you're joking, right." Gaige asked but Kai didn't reply. "Right?" Still no reply. "Oh crawm, everyone saw what I did." Gaige said as she sank to the ground with anime tears running down her face. "I was acting like a damn ECHO streamer girl. And if my parents see that, I'm gonna be grounded until I'm sixty! My life is over." Gaige cried as Kai just stood there and watched with a smirk.
"Why are you so concerned about how you're perceived, I'd think the fact you have a bounty over eight hundred billion would be more concerning."
"Hey mister, what's up with the chick?" Kai looked over to see three kids standing nearby. The youngest had blond hair reaching her mid-back and big blue eyes, with a big red bow and slightly large old red leather cow boots. She looked to be about four. The next was a dark-skinned five-year-old boy in orange overalls with and yellow T-shirt underneath and an old pair of sneakers. He had short curly brown hair and dark brown eyes. The final kid, a boy who was the oldest of the trio, looking to be about seven or eight, had brown hair and eyes. He was wearing a simple but worn set of shorts and a green jacket with a brown belt and boots. He was holding the girl back as a precaution as they watched Gaige.
"Oh her. Just a teenager showing the world how childish she is by having an existential crisis induced by extreme embarrassment in the middle of the street." Kai quipped while Gaige suddenly gained a tick mark.
"OI! What did you say!?"
"Aaaaand she back folks." Kai said in his best impression of an announcer's voice.
The little girl tilted her head in confusion. "What's ex- exo, exitsenso cryis?" She asked which made Gaige aware of them for the first time.
Kai was quiet for a second before letting out a chuckle. "An existential crisis is when one questions themselves and who they are."
The girl squinted her eyes as she thought hard about it for several seconds. "That makes no sense, you're you! I'm me." She then points to the older boy first. "That Katz, and that's Letz." She said.
Kai chuckles at the answer as a hardy laugh joins the conversation. "Ah yes. You are your little Kikka." Said Marcus as he walked over with a bag of what appeared to be food.
"MARCUS!" The kids cheered.
"Hey Marcus, you're out early." Kai said.
"Slow day in the shop. Figured I'd close up and get some errands out of the way and spend time with the little ones." nodding to the kids.
"I'm sorry, but I'm confused. Who are these kids and why are they here Marcus?" Gaige asked.
"What, a man can't come and visit his orphanage!" Marcus says as he points to a building they were standing in front of. The building looking like it used to be a small school had a small dirt yard in front with several old pieces of playground equipment and a few other kids playing around or hanging out in the front. Over the door was a sign that readMarcus Kincaid's Home for Lost Children.
"You own an orphanage?" Gaige said with a dumbfounded expression as she looked to the greedy salesman. "What's the angle?" She asked as Marcus let out an exasperated sigh.
"Why is everyone surprised that I have a nice side?" Marcus said.
"It's because you always come off as a ruthless cold-hearted businessman." Said a young woman with short brown hair and soft chocolate eyes as she walked out of the building. She was in a simple knee length peach colored dress with an apron over it.
"Fraw Bow my dear, you wound me." Marcus said in light mock hurt as the woman approached their group.
"Who are you?" Gaige asked.
My name is Fraw but everyone seems to insist on using my full name Fraw Bow."
"It's because it flows off the tongue more easily. Fraw by itself just seems half-hearted after you hear it in its entirety." Kai said.
"Anyways, I'm the primary caretaker of this Orphanage, while Marcus is the primary funder of this place."
"Okay, but an Orphanage? I figured you be buying a gold statue or something."
"I may be a greedybastardat times but even I have a heart. OWW!" Marcus suddenly squawked in pain as Fraw Bow pointed a spatula at him.
"What have I said about using such language around the kids."
"Sorry." Marcus said dejectedly.
The woman let out a sigh as she pocketed the spatula. "Did you find everything I requested?" Fraw asked causing Marcus to perk right back up.
"Of course my dear, I've got two bags of orange rice, three dozen rakk cutlets, chamois peppers, and I even found a few grams of those fresh mud blossoms you love to bake with." Marcus said as he pulled out a jar of reddish-orange powder.
"Thank you, Marcus. And just in time for dinner. Why don't you entertain the kids and our guests while I start on dinner."
"STORY TIME!" Kikka and Letz cheer.
"Oh, this is gonna be good." Kai said as he followed everyone.
"Wait, what's going on?" Gaige asked as Kikka started dancing around her.
"Marcus is well known as a great storyteller and knows nearly every Vault Hunter story and legend." Kai said.
"Getting to hear one of Mr. Marcus's stories is always a treat!" Kikka cheered as the little girl grabbed Gaige's hand and pulled her over to the steps where Marcus took a seat as a dozen more children quickly came out. Kai sits down near several kids while Gaige is beside him, only to be surprised as Kikka hops on her lap.
"Gather around you dirty little orphans, for today I've got a story for you all." Marcus said with a grin. "Legions of greedy soldiers, soulless death machines, hoards of bandits, and even a giant monster! But what our grand adventures seek today, is a chance to strike at Atlas, and plunder their tech that threatens the lands. For this is the epic tale of the Vault Hunters versus… The Secret Armory of General Knoxx. We begin our adventure in a bone dry and dingy corner of Pandora known as T-Bone Junction."
